I put all the trust thats left in these bones into making this last but now I feel like your fading away from me all too fast. Not a moment goes by that I don’t picture your smile when I woke up next to you after sleeping for a while. And God I hope I’m wrong this time I hope the door is still shut and only opens for me and I’m not so sure if that makes sense or if it makes me selfish or careless or insensitive but I gave you a part of me I thought was long since dead and now I’ve got this crippling fear that’s deep inside my chest. What do I have to show for this the pain of distance and love and flesh I’m tearing out my own heart and I’m plucking all the strings hoping that a song cries out or maybe I should sing. But all my songs are wasted and I think that you’d agree if only you heard them. I sing out-loud at night hoping that you’ll hear me hoping that you’ll listen but miles stretch between us and I’m getting quite worried that it’ll always be this way that I’ll always feel this pain its like I’m losing you more each day slowly fading into lost hope and maybe even nightmares. Maybe I should just lie awake forever and hope that you hear me when I sing to you softly and tell you I love you but what’s it all worth if you don’t feel it too Oh God I hope I’m wrong this time I hope I’m just getting ahead of myself taking something from nothing and turning it into a mountain I feel it crumbling beneath me as I ask you to stay as I’m falling far below the deep fading into distraction or is this just another over-reaction. Please tell me. My insecurites they eat me alive but I’m not so sure its my fault I’ve been dealt a bad hand all my life or am I just pointing fingers or making excuses I don’t know. maybe I don’t deserve your comfort I shouldn’t expect your grace when a thousand miles seperates between me and that beautiful face. Oh god I hope I’m wrong this time.

FUCK THIS.

Lifes a cute bitch full of estrogen and when she gives you lemons, nigga throw em at pedestrians.

Let me down easy. There’s no reason to tease me.  If you don’t need me, please let me go.  Playing with my dreams? Not anymore. Time is dancing on my chest and its casting stones.  It’s casing parts, each one of them antagonist.  And I’m trying to feed the wasp inside my mouth.  It’s dying! I’m not sure that it wants to live. Oh well. Hail the insane and deranged! It wasn’t my embrace.  It’s yours. Now I’m trying to walk the straightest line.  Now it’s time! I wanted you forever and ever.  Now it’s never again. Never.  I wanted you forever and ever.  Now it’s never again. Never. Oh, how your hands used to shake,  tremble and threaten to break if they weren’t encased in mine,  telling you that it’ll be just fine.  I could have had it forever and ever.  Now it’s never again. Never.  I could have had it forever and ever.  Now it’s never again. Never. I would have thrown it all away for you and actually did.  It’s all around me but I can’t pick it up  because I gave you all what was left of my strength. Love’s a many splendored thing; an often vendored thing.  If love was just a movie about war, it’s the surrender scene! You think you’ve got it figured out?  I didn’t say that! I’ve got doubts!  I said I’ve lost my faith in love.  There’s still a way to find it! How? I might’ve cared for it at first.  Now that I’ve buried it, my thirst  is met in bars and not the fake embrace of needy arms. That isn’t true! I’ve seen your heart!  You didn’t see that it was charred?  There was a fire, that’s a start.  The fire’s gone and now it’s dark. Please turn on the light.  Please turn on the light! I think I’m still fucked up!  Time didn’t heal me! Oh god! You were a fever dream but you never broke or went away.